Alicestronaut: lists

Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Film Season: War Films

Clem is an ex soldier with a degree in military history (and an A-Level in film studies). He likes war films. After a discussion in which we discovered that the only war films I (or Sarah and Jess for that matter) have seen are Forrest Gump and Private Benjamin, we thought maybe we should have a season of classics. As Clem very patiently watched all eight Harry Potter films with me from start to finish recently, we settled on the same number. On to the films (none of which would pass the Bechdel Test (that's always going to be likely in a warzone) but it's still interesting to see how women are portrayed):

Zulu

Released: 1964

Starring: Michael Caine

Set: Battle of Rorke's Drift, 1879, Anglo-Zulu War

To sum up, I will repeat the conversation we had at lunch last week:

Mum "You thought that film was quite boring didn't you?"

Clem "WHAT?!"

Me "erm, I like the idea of having watched it more than I liked actually watching it"

It might have been the old style film making - ten minutes of watching men push wagons over to make a barricade - or that I felt like I wasn't understanding what was going on as I don't know masses of turn of the century Southern Africa military history but I did find it a bit hard going. Looking back now, I feel a bit more fondness for it but then I don't have to watch it again.

What have I learned?: Long films go by very slowly when you don't have any knitting on hand.

Any women in it? Mass Zulu wedding at the beginning feature hundreds of semi naked Zulu women. One missionary's daughter adept at wiping the brows of injured men.

What does Clem think? Classic, much parodied. Shows traditional Victorian army tactics and a famous last stand. Good example of propaganda - always a lot of medals given out when things go wrong.

Kelly's Heroes

Released: 1970

Starring: Donald Sutherland, Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas

Set: France, 1944, WWII

Donald Sutherland is brilliant in this. Clint Eastwood is brilliant in this. Their relationship is the best part of the film, particularly the 'this is my other dog imitation' scene and 'that's a paintball' as a close second. It's an adventure film and therefore a more familiar story arc to me than Zulu's battle event so I found it a lot easier to watch. I still managed to fall asleep half way through though, and had to watch the second half the next day.

What have I learned?: It is only worth attacking a Tiger tank if it is from behind as that's its weak spot.

Any women in it? Two or three wordless hippies swaying their arms and stroking a soldier. Repeated mention of 'finding some broads'

What does Clem think?: Dark humour and 60s hippies in a 1940s tank unit. Broadly accurate war film as well as a good comedy.

Thin Red Line

Released: 1998
Starring: Jim Caviezel, Adrien Brody, Sean Penn, Everyone Ever (90s line up)
Set: Guadalcanal 1942-43, Pacific Islands, WWII

According to my research on IMDB, this film is pretty divisive. Some think it shows the futility of war with poetry and beauty while others think it's a pretentious piece of crap. I think it's both, there is more than a touch of noble savage about it, some of the poetry is a bit much (but I recognised bits of it from the samples in UNKLE's Eye For An Eye which helped) and it doesn't really have a story but it does show how nature carries on being beautiful and normal while the men are suffering massive effects from the situation. The scenery is gorgeous, and Jim Caviezel is great. And Vin Diesel is in it! I've never seen him in a film before. He's BIG.

What have I learned?: Adrien Brody looked exactly the same in 1998 as he does now.

Any women in it? One cheating wife (non speaking role bar a short letter), one french wife and daughter in an understandable panic.

What does Clem think?: "I wish Alice would stop saying 'Oh! that's Phoebe's brother from Friends!' and 'That guy was in Game On!' cos it kinda ruins the atmosphere. Beautifully shot and shows how things are still beautiful even in a war zone, which adds to the horror of it. I like that it doesn't have a point to all the action because that's how it is. Uniquely good looking platoon of GIs and quite old for who they are portraying.

Saving Private Ryan

Released: 1998

Starring: Tom Hanks

Set: D-Day landings and aftermath, Normandy, 1944, WWII

As with the Thin Red Line, it's hard to suspend disbelief and step into the world as being real when the main actors are so famous. Tom Hanks, for chrissakes. Also the premise is weird. Would they really put all these other soldiers at risk to give one mother her son back? What about all the other mothers? All the other soldiers? They are no less important. Oh, and the story is given to us as a reminiscence of Private Ryan when in fact he isn't there for most of it. However, it's pretty watchable and a good demonstration of the sheer numbers of men sacrificed for the objective, which is always the hardest thing for me to comprehend, what with the men who planned the objectives all being well out of the way. There are a lot of military words that I didn't know and discussions of tactics sometimes made it hard to know what was going on.

What have I learned?: Tom Hanks is currently America's most trusted man. (not strictly learned from the film)

Any women in it? One heartbroken mother (non speaking role), a few secretaries (non speaking roles). A wife who has one word to say at the very end.

What does Clem think?: Bit too focussed on visceral horror of it all. Soldiers jargon is gibberish. Circular narrative isn't circular. Sounds effects and special effects very good.

A Bridge Too Far

Released: 1977
Starring: Michael Caine, Sean Connery, Antony Hopkins, Everyone Ever (70s line up)
Set: Operation Market Garden, 1944, WWII

Apart from Kelly's Heroes, this has been my favourite one so far. It's telling the story of Operation Market Garden which my Grandad was involved in as a glider pilot right before he was captured as a POW. There is a shot where you can see out of the glider pilots windscreen as they take off, which would have been exactly what my Grandad saw at the time. The voiceover at the start explained what was going on very clearly so I felt a bit more confident that I'd get what was happening. It also helped that each group was headed up by a very famous actor so I could think 'OK that's Sean Connery so we must be just outside Arnhem' (Sean Connery has a moustache so we don't confuse him for James Bond) or 'That's Michael Caine so we must be the infantry marching on foot'. Without that I don't think I would have known where we are as one 70s actor in uniform looks very much like another. It's quite a funny film, for all the blood and bombs. Lots of gallows humour and feigned incompetence from Michael Caine to keep his men happy.

What have I learned?: You can recognise an American soldier because they never have their helmet straps done up.

Any women in it? The voiceover at the beginning, who I think is the same farmhouse owner who gives up her home to be first a hospital then a bomb site for the cause. One mad old lady (understandable given the circumstances).

What does Clem think?: Yeah, this is excellent, full of stiff upper lip. They have the proper kit. Good at showing blunder but incorporating a bit too much hindsight.

Still to come, the Vietnam section:

Platoon
Full Metal Jacket
Hamburger Hill

Monday, 4 February 2013

Dinner Parties for the Deceased

The other day Steph was asking about fantasy dinner parties. This, funnily enough, got me thinking about fantasy dinner parties. It's supposed to be five but I couldn't decide.

So, providing all these people are capable of behaving themselves in polite company yet also willing to divulge information they probably never would, plus also being deceased, I would invite to my dinner party the following guests:

Eleanor of Aquitaine. She must have been quite a woman to negotiate the royal politics of her time. She travelled to Constantinople and Jerusalem, she was a patron of the arts, she co-managed the running of England and France all while being kept busy having ten children and occasionally marrying and divorcing powerful Kings and Princes. She might also have a different perspective on the antics of Robin Hood than we are used to. She keeps popping up in documentaries and information panels at castles, so she must either have been very influential or she's my spirit royal. (I still don't approve of the crusades though). (And just because I'm interested in it, that doesn't mean that I approve of the concept of monarchy either.)

Anne Boleyn. Because she always my favourite of the wives. It would be interesting to hear her version of events as we’ve heard so many interpretations from others. Plus I want to see her wear the original of the black dress I wore and see how she carries it off. I know I'm doubling up on Royals here but I had to sneak in a bit about when I got to dress up as Anne Boleyn and it was awesome.

Thomas Paine – a bit of a local hero round these parts; we like someone who challenges received wisdom. Best wiki quote: “Marylander James Chalmers said Paine was a political quack and warned that without monarchy, the government would "degenerate into democracy”” Gosh, how awful.

Elizabeth GarrettAnderson. If it wasn’t for people like her, our society would get nowhere. She was the first English woman to qualify as a doctor despite immense opposition from the establishment. Then when she’d finished Doctoring about, she went and became the first female English mayor. I’m choosing her over the Pankhursts because I’ve read less about her so would like to get to know her at my dinner party, plus her daughter Louisa was a suffragette so she’d probably be able to dish the dirt on the Pankhursts anyway.

Mrs Beeton. She might not have been quite such a fighter against gender roles but I still need her tips and advice – especially if I’m the one who has to cater this dinner party. Although thanks to people like Elizabeth Garrett Anderson at least now the washing up is shared. (I could invite this guy to cater though I suppose. I can't find a picture of the menu he created for the Prince Regent at the Pavilion but it was NUTS).

Marie Stopes – thank you, Marie Stopes. She’s mainly here so I can feed her lots of delicious food as a thank you for helping contraception become acceptable which is in my opinion the turning point where we started moving towards equality (see also: tampons). (I’ve never read any of her poetry though, it could be awful).

I'll Awyays Be a Wild Thing - RIP Maurice Sendak

Maurice Sendak. Sendak only just gets an invite since he died last year, but we are all pleased to have him here and he represents all the children’s authors and illustrators who I could have filled a canteen with.

Musical interlude:

Woody Guthrie. When we get cats I want to name them Arlo and Woody (Clem wants a big ginger one called Jonesy). But in the meantime it'd be fun to sing some protest songs with Woody. "I've suffered for my music. And now it's your turn" as Neil Innes would say. Maybe we could do some good in the world. It would be nice if Marjorie could come too to give a fuller perspective on their lives and experiences, as well as being an interesting and intelligent person in her own right.

After dinner literary session:

Charles Dickens. He must be kept as busy in the afterlife as he was in life doing after dinner readings but nevertheless he is invited to come to mine and let us know who it really was what done in Edwin Drood (or did they?) There are many many authors who could fill this spot but Dickens is so accessible, classic and entertaining that he wins as usual.

Aphra Behn – for bawdy jokes and lighter entertainment, as well as gossip on Nell Gwyn, but mainly because as Virginia Woolf said "All women together ought to let flowers fall upon the tomb of Aphra Benn, for it was she who earned them the right to speak their minds."

Post dinner analysis and commemoration:

Sigmund Freud – We can debate feminism (I will attempt to summon the spirit of Simone de Beauvoir to join in). I will ask him after the party to comment on the psyche of each guest. And then I will cut out pertinent articles from Psychologies magazine and send them to each guest with their thank you cards.

Edward Hopper – I would like him to paint a picture of our evening with us all looking suitable atmospheric and melancholic. He may wish to confer with Freud as to what to include.

Special Mentions who’d all probably have some interesting anecdotes, perhaps they could drop in for coffee and the cheese course:

Anne Lister – being a lesbian in Victorian times took some serious effort.

Edward Johnston– another local connection. Johnston designed the London Underground typeface, was well into calligraphy and I wanted someone from the Arts and Crafts movement but I thought William Morris might be too busy and I do really love that typeface.

Chuck Berry – I’d REALLY like to see a young Chuck Berry performing his hits but he doesn’t get an official invite because he’s still alive and because of the time he got done for underage sex which is not condoned in this house.

Freddie Mercury – he’d be really fun and could duet with Chuck Berry but he’s already going to Steph’s dinner party.

John Nash – nice architecture, mate. Build me a house?

~FIN~

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

A non-exhaustive list of names for your zapper

What do you call yours? Some people call theirs really stupid things. Like 'The Converter'.. what's that about? Here are some more I have collected today, beginning with the Doofer as it was PoliteIre who started it by being forced to defend her use of it in her own house. "You point it at the telly, it doofs. What's the problem?" Can't argue with that. Here they are then.